Monday, July 21, 2014

Looking For My Resting Place

"Our hearts are restless until they rest in You, O God."
 St. Augustine

As I laid down in bed the other night, and began to gather my thoughts, process the day, and end with a prayer, the first thing I could say was "Lord, tame my restless heart, allow me to rest in You." Then, a quote by St. Augustine (above) and an awesome song by Audrey Assad (Restless) started to come to mind. 

As a side note- I have a particular attachment to both this song and quote because they have both really just hit home for my own spiritual journey. 

Anyway, having these spur-of-the-moment, 2AM thoughts made me realize a lot of things. 

For starters:
We obviously can never be completely and truly fulfilled while we are on this earth. As long as we are living here, our hearts will still have some sort of restlessness for our Creator. The more and more we invite and allow God into our hearts the more He will make it His resting place. When we let Him transform us and mold us into the holiness that He is calling us to is when we will find our most fulfillment. 

Handing over your deepest desires:   
For me, this means allowing God into even the smallest things in my life. You would think that it would be easier to allow God into the smaller things than your biggest obstacles but sometimes it can honestly be harder. 

Of course there will always be this reluctant-ness in giving (essentially) your life away to the displacement of God's hands. Many times I find, that when I am struggling with something,  not getting along with someone, having no clue what I am going to do after I graduate, etc. (and I say this next thing with caution) that it is almost easier to give these "larger problems" to God.

 I say that it is easier because when things arise that I know I cannot handle- like deciding what to do after high school (which is a big one for me right now)- there is so much relief in placing it in God's hands and allowing Him to reveal His Will to me through it. This is opposing to the little things like what type of music I listen to or how I waste so much time on my phone. These things are the things that I think I can handle on my own when really I can't and I can't find the joy and fulfillment that my heart is searching for until I hand it over. There is such a beauty in this self-given total surrender.

Wouldn't it just be great if every problem you ever had that you didn't want to face alone or at all, that someone would just come and magically work out all your problems for you so that everything would go well, and you wouldn't suffer**. Well just a wake up call, someone did, 2000 years ago, and He thought about you and I with every step he took and every single drop of Blood He shed. 

**I am not saying that you will not suffer in times of trial and pain. But when your can unite your sufferings with Christ on the Cross that is when there is a certain joy and zeal that will accompany your sufferings. One of my favorite quotes- "We have to understand that things may not necessarily change. But our ability to endure them, knowing that God will bear great fruit in our souls, will certainly lighten the burden." -Mother Angelica

Searching for fulfillment/ happiness in all the wrong places:
It is so so easy to get caught up in worldly desires and what society tells you is happiness. Just look at the magazine covers at the grocery store, or all the reality TV shows, the music on the radio, maybe it's even family members giving you a "life checklist" - it's all something that tells you how you have to be, what you have to do, or acquire, in order to find happiness. From one striving Catholic to another - don't listen to it. St. Paul tells us in his letter to the Romans (12:2) "Do not conform yourself to this age but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and pleasing and perfect." Be in the world, but not of the world. 

I often find myself staying up at night or even during the day wasting SO much time on social media, I just keep re-visiting the same places hoping that something new will pop up that will make me 'happy', but nothing ever does. Often times at night when I am on my computer or phone, I will waste  time on the internet just looking for the next best thing that when I'm done and I should be praying, I am falling asleep. As opposed to sometimes, when I have the will power to set all of that stuff aside and put my relationship with God first, then I don't even think about these things that are always leaving me empty.

Where is this  so called 'Resting Place'?:
Of course, I can't give you an exact answer to this question as it is personal and specific for each person but I can start by saying where to look. Finding God in every day life is hard and honestly, it can get exhausting if you are searching in all the wrong places. 

Look in the Church- in Mass. That is where you will find God (physically & spiritually). The Altar is the Calvary of the Church. The Tabernacle is Mary's womb, it manifests life and healing for all. The Eucharist, to feed your spiritual desires and nourish your soul with the graces you need. The Catholic Church is universal- here, you can find eternal unity.

Isn't it so beautiful and amazing that we have a God who would give his life for us? Each and every last one of us - personally. And isn't it amazing, that the God of all the universe loves us so much that He wants to be physically present to us each and every day, so He has given us the Eucharist, which is, in it's simplest form bread, but truly it is the Body, Blood, Soul, and Divinity of Christ.

I urge everyone to cling to the Eucharist as much as you can. It is truly the Bread of Life. It is God's greatest gift to us. Let the Church be a place where you can find comfort. Find peace when you are near the Tabernacle. Ask Mary to knit your heart into the shape of her son's, and let her womb become your dwelling place. 

"..In giving of ourselves that we receive, and in dying that we're born into eternal life.." 

There is truly such a beauty in this self-given total surrender to God. Many blessings are poured upon someone who gives worldly things to live for the greater glory of God. 

I will be praying for all of you who read this. 
As for me, I'm just looking for my resting place and prayers would be appreciated.

Ad Majorem Dei Gloriam 

"Return to me with your whole heart" Joel 2:12

Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now, and at the hour of our death.

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